normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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