Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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