A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
