i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
