How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
