i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
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