oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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