Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Randomize
