i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
