I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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