Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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