I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
