mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize