My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
