If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
