I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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