she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Randomize
