peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
