Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
