I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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