Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
