god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
