I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
