I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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