where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
