Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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