The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
