My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
