I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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