we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
