Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
