Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
