Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
