her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I'm going to jail i love you
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Randomize
