I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
