there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
