sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
