there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
