I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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