This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
