Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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