They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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