Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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