don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
