Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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