He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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