So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Even my vagina gasped.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
