I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I just googled if crying burns calories
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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