I haven't been this sober since birth.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
The struggles of a small town man whore
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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