Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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