wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
