There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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