I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
