Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
