You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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