When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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