Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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