i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
