I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
