awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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