Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
