The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
