i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize