Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Found the puke drawer
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
