Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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