i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
